I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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