I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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