Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
