Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
