and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
