He disabled his match.com account in front of me
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
