Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
what day is it and did you see me today?
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
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