That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
