Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
