He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Randomize
