hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Randomize
