hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
