RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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