We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
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