it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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