That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Success! We fucked roommates!
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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