Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
