Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
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