it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
