I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
