my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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