woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Randomize
