Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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