You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
