He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
