So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
