That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
