How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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