Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
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