When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
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eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
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Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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