Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
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maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
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