So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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