You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.