I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
30 People Reveal The Moment They Realized: ‘Oh Sh*t, I’m An A**hole’
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
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OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
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