I could have mohawked her pubes.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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