just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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