I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
