They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Randomize
