Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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