Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
