I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
