Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
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