handjob tips. give me some.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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