All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
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