Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Randomize
