Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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