Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
