just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
