I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Randomize
