I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
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