PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
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