my mouth tastes like poor choices
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Randomize
