I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Randomize
