respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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