i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
