I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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