No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
