the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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