Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Randomize
