I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
