I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
