Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Randomize
