Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex on a dog bed..
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
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