What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
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