neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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