Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
