she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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