My first STD was from a foam party
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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