i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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